8.29.2014

Shutting a door...

I'm trying to be more open and honest on this blog.   It is not easy for me, since I did share openly once and it bit me in the ass.   Then I thought, ridiculous!  This is my blog and I own my story.



I've had some family stuff going on with a very close extended family member who decided to push me aside to accommodate another family member's feelings.  This wouldn't have been so hurtful to me if I wasn't the one who actually lives near this family member and does so much with/for them.

It basically comes down to if there is another sickness, hospital stay or a death- I am not to be there.   Never mind the fact that I live ten minutes from this person, talk every day to this person, take trips with this person, or come running when they need something.  The fact that I thought we had a friendship, a real relationship doesn't seem to matter when this other family member decides to breeze into town after not calling, not visiting for over three years- not even bothering to answer the phone when called.

I've cried ugly tears while my husband held me.  I've lost sleep, gotten angry, and wanted to punch someone.  Then after all of that a wave of peace passes over me and I'm okay with it.  I love the saying, "Never push a loyal person to the point of not giving a damn".  That's how I feel right now.  I always suspected that if this other person did show up I would be pushed aside, now that it's been confirmed I feel a sense of relief almost.  At least I know where I stand, and I wasn't crazy for thinking it all those years.

My husband loves me, my children love me and I have friends who love me.  I'm not going to waste any more time chasing after the affections of someone who clearly doesn't reciprocate.


I love myself enough to shut the door.

29 comments:

  1. Oh how I LOVE you, lady!!!! Onward and upward!

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  2. Girl..... OH how we live parallel lives!! I feel like you are my best friend I have never met..... Totally kindered spirits!!! Thank you for this.... I too have a very vulnerable blog, that I started 2 yrs ago, and stopped as I became more vulnerable in my own life. You just threw open a door that God has been standing at for a LONG time...... Thank you, Thank you!!!! (Fromthisiknow@wordpress.com)

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  3. I'm sorry you have to go through this...you sound like a loving, caring person. It's amazing to me how some people treat other people. Sometimes you just have to let go...

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  4. I have been in this very situation and cried heavy tears too. You are making the best decision for you and that's exactly how it should be.

    On another note, I freaking love this tiny tudor!!!

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  5. I too have been in the same situation. It is so true that the insensitive person that did this to you shouldn't "push the loyal person to the point of not giving a damn". I have gotten to that point with a couple of people during my lifetime. Once my point has been reached, I haven't opened my door again either. They have come knocking after realizing "old faithful" isn't here any more, but I wasn't able to open the doors again. Hugs to you!

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  6. Well... if that's how they want it, they've just finally shown their true color. It does bite but it is also a blessing in that you are now freed up from someone who seems to have been taking advantage and didn't really care. People who can be bought aren't real. And one needs REAL friends. The sting will go away.

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  7. I appreciate your honesty and for sharing it here. I've been there done that and it sucks for sure but like you said at least now you know where you stand. what's that saying...mess with me once shame on you, mess with me twice shame on me. good for you for knowing your self-worth and for setting limits so as not to be walked all over. its a good lesson for your kids to see as well...hard in a way but necessary to show them to stand up for themselves and not be taken advantage of. in my humble opinion :)

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  8. So sorry to hear of the pain you are experiencing Patricia. I can truly understand your hurt and tears. I think it seems to hurt most when it comes from family. Hugs sent your way.

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  9. I wonder what will happen when this other person "breezes" back out of town. I'll bet your phone rings and it will be your decision whether to answer it or not. I can so identify, but when it is your only daughter and she turns her back on you, her dad and her brothers it is really hard. Like you, I cried, fumed, got furious, talked to a counselor, etc. I finally came to a peaceful point, after much prayer, where I decided it was her problem and I would take no ownership. That was almost four years ago, and our family has been more calm than ever before. We all came to the conclusion she and her family were bringing more drama, pain and chaos into our lives than any of us wanted to deal with ever again. Like GinaE said, I don't believe I would open the door if she came knocking.

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  10. Sorry, I meant to say thanks for being so open and honest. We all need to be more that way.

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  11. It's okay to remove toxic people from our lives. I have done the same, even with family members, and my life is so much more peaceful. This actually removes a lot of power from difficult people, when they see your life goes on without them! I am always open to restoring a relationship because I believe in forgiveness, but we have to meet halfway. I also know that I am not perfect and must also take responsibility also, if needed.

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  12. I too believe in forgiveness, and I have forgiven her for myself. I am not one to hold grudges or be unforgiving but when the same thing happens over and over for over 40 years and gets worse each year, you finally realize it is time to close the door. I take responsibility willingly when I am responsible, but I'm also wise enough to know when I'm not. It's pretty obvious when you are dealing with an irrational person who holds an entire family hostage in every situation and for years until she gets her way. The one time the family has had enough and doesn't give in to her demands, she writes us all off as bad. We all know who has the problem, and it's not us!!

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  13. I understand and good for you for putting your foot down! We have a family member very much like the one you are describing. I suspect most everyone does. Lots of anger and pain and then the marvelous peace from letting it all go.

    xo
    Claudia

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  14. I think those of us who have lived close and carried others have all gotten to the place where we can just release it and let it go. Enough is enough. Yes, I am going through the same, sad to say, on both sides. Both have teamed up to hurt me and my children as we have endured it for over 30 years. When I made some choices to take care of me and mine, I have suffered beyond belief through slander on facebook and taking my blog and using it against. me. I'm not even sure that they don't go through my friend's posts to see what has been written. It's that bad. I created the blog about my depression, "The Upside of Down." Words were taken away and hurt me, even saying, "You can't deal with 'toxic people' or the 'mentally ill'." So I am taking care of me and mine but not without pain. You hang in there. God has promised me that I will not have to fight this battle, I just need to stand still. Prayers for you too.

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  15. Thank you for being open and honest. It is that persons loss, not yours. She has shown her true colors now she must live with her decision. You my dear, have nothing to feel bad about. How precious friends are, but not when they act like that. Just remember, she is not a true friend.
    Have a wonderful Labor Day Weekend.
    Mary

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  16. Isn't it amazing how many people have been in this position in their own lives? It just shows you that you're not alone, not wrong and have better days ahead. I've been there, cut someone out of my life and have been slowly rebuilding a relationship but it will never be the same. I will always be wary and guarded with this person but at least, we're both trying. Stand up for yourself and your family. There's no upside to having negative people in your life!

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  17. You cannot keep jumping oceans for people who wouldn't jump a puddle for you. Good for you for moving on and living your best life.

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  18. It seems like the family member is the one who will regret making decisions to turn away from you and the support you have offered. It is good that you have the support and love of your husband, your children and your friends. Your blog friends too :) "Be with those who bring out the best in you, not the stress in you."

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  19. Are you prepared for when this person comes knocking at your door when your "replacement" leaves or is no longer available? Set boundaries and protect your heart. We are all so grateful for your wonderful blog and you have given us so much! Thank you! Have a wonderful holiday weekend!
    Laura

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  20. I could of wrote this post myself....it is like it came from a page of my story.....I had a friend who I thought was a friend and this year I shut that door....I was being used for all I could give this person...and when she would call...it always made me feel worst instead of better.....so glad that I have moved on...it still hurts....because she was not as good of friend to me as I was to her....and it gets lonely sometimes...but until I can find a true good friend that treats me the way I treat them.....I will stick with my husband, kids, grandkids and family.....they do have my back....thanks for being real...

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  21. Thank you for sharing this.... I too have a very similar situation..... I spend my days wondering what I did, how I can change and why I am not "allowed" in this person's life. So I too just shut the door and let it go. I vow never to let anyone make me question who I am and my own self worth and neither should you!! Shutting the door is hard, but moving forward is the easy part.... xoxo

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  22. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

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  23. πŸ’—πŸ’—πŸ’—Life is just never easy.

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  24. It doesn't like my hearts here...consider yourself hearted. ;)

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  25. I go through a similar situation with some "family". I finally realized you really can't change people as hard as you may try, despite how much you worry about it, in the end it will only rob you of your light and your happy life that you clearly try to create for you and your family. Sorry to hear you're going through this.

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  26. Sorry to hear it but sometimes as you say we have to shut the door and move on. It's hard I know that because I've had to do the same thing. My friend of almost 20 years stopped calling, going places, and rarely returned my calls. For a year I always thought I had done something then finally I point blank asked if I had done something and she said no and didn't understand why I thought that. Uhmmm the distance and lack of communication. That was 3 years ago and now I have moved on with the friends who do care and return my calls or want to hang out with me. God Bless

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Thanks so much for popping in. I appreciate all of your lovely comments...Tricia