The nose knows...

Every once in a while I receive an email or IG comment asking me questions about our renovations, or where I found an item for the house.   This week I got an email asking me something a little more personal.  I'm an open book kind of person, and although I don't put it all on the blog I am always willing to share how I came to be who I am if asked.

"Laura" emailed me a question about piercing my nose.  I love that she is thouroughly thinking the decision through.  I'm a little more of a "eh, let's do this!" without thinking kind of girl.  She asked some great questions, so I thought I'd share them with you.


Tricia,

Was reading another blog and came across your comment, "...I'm 45, quit my teaching job, pierced my nose and I paint with our oldest daughter who has Down Syndrome." Hope you don't mind writing you.  I found your blog, and love your dedication to family and homeschooling!  

As I read your blog, I noticed you have a pierced nose and I just keep dreaming about one.  You're one step ahead having gone ahead and done yours.   Wherever I see your face and your nose stud, its just perfect in your nose and makes your face truly light up. Admit to a little envy.   I  love it.  

For me, getting my nose pierced  has been on my bucket list since college and now is # 1 as one of those  " Things to do before 40. Also, I'm preoccupied with getting a nose piercing:) Am I crazy? 

I've put having my nose on the back burner since college (FUNNY STORY AVAILABLE UPON REQUEST). I've always thought of as a tiny bit of self-expression, a smidgen of rebellion, and a sprinkle of hope that I’ll ...have a bit of freedom and independence that I so crave. Recently, I've had this dream with a sparkly stud in my nose. Unfortunately, when I woke up, it wasn't there! I've been trying to get up the nerve to do it. Have to admit that seeing your pretty face,  and cute, small nose stud has provided a sense of inspiration and realism to my quest. Am not sure what has spurned my dream nor strong desire to have it done. 

I  don't know if you had this problem., but I keep obsessing about getting a nose piercing and keep promising myself to just get it done. However, I keep searching for reasons that an almost 40 something  woman should get her nose pierced facing this dilemma, but still wanting to feel sexy and attractive to my husband. I've always really liked the idea of a small nose stud, but I never did it because I'm was afraid what others might think..

Wonder if maybe I'm a bit too old to just be getting my nose pierced. I'm 39. I know people my age who have them, but they've had them quite a while. I kept going through the tough question, "...am I too old?" Would this look like a mid-life crisis thing [?] I keep seeing others in their late 40's, 50's and even one women with all grey hair, cut short who must have been 60+.

Am searching for some advice when you had your nose pierced. I suspect you faced all these questions, so I hope you won't mind me asking:

What was the " tipping point " that made you finally go ahead and do it unlike me constantly obsessing about it?

Was there an event or person who influenced you to go ahead and have it done or " I had it done because____"

Well Laura, there is a story behind the nose piercing.  There are a couple of reasons I did it, but have not shared much here.  

A few years ago I quit teaching public school.  It was an easy decision for me because after five years of struggling to conform and fit in, it was apparent that my way of thinking and teaching was never going to fit the mainstream school system.  I believe that instead of taking a child and identifying his/her deficits, we should identify their strengths and build on that.  Public schools like to figure out what you suck at and then jam it down your throat until you not only suck at something, but you despise it as well.  I saw it first hand with my own children, and then from the inside as a teacher.  When I finally quit and pulled our youngest out to homeschool it felt liberating, and also like I'd survived a near death experience.  Trying to fit in and changing who I was took a toll on me.  A few years of therapy and the freedom to be creative and teach the way I knew it needed to be done fixed that.  

During the time that I was teaching our youngest daughter was going through some problems of her own.  I'm not going to go completely into what her issues were here, because it's her story to tell, but I will say that it was a very scary couple of years for us and I was so worried we were going to lose her.   While she was in therapy the therapist suggested that we do some mom/daughter bonding activities.  Anne suggested piercings.  I was thinking pedicures.  

At the piercing studio I kept looking at all the pictures of piercings and tried to imagine what would be "appropriate" for a forty something woman.  Whose to say what that is exactly, but  I had always admired nose piercings and thought that if I just put a teensy stud in then it would be hardly noticeable.  Anne held my hand as the piercer marked and pierced my nose.  It hurt, but not in a pass out from the pain kind of way.  Afterwards it felt like something was in my nose, but now I forget that the screw stud is even there.  

Why did I do it?  Well, for a few reasons. 

1. Because I could.  I was no longer expected to look a certain way for anyone other than myself.

2.  It was a cool bonding experience with my daughter.  I held her hand, she held mine- and it's cool that we got to experience that together.  It was one of the first steps to mending our relationship. 

3.  I felt that it was an expression of my artistic/non-conformist side.  I don't fit the mold and I am very okay with that.  

4.  If not now, when?  So what if I'm in my 40's?  It's my nose and I may rock this piercing right into my 70's.  

Did it hurt and how long have you had your nose pierced?

Yep, it hurt, but only for a little bit.  It felt like a shot really, and then nothing.  

Did you have it done with a needle or one of those newer piercing instrument that looks like a gun? Your placement is perfect on your nose.

The pierced used a needle.  He marked it and had a good eye for placement.  Go to someone reputable whose work you have seen firsthand. 

How did you decide left or right?

I chose the right side because I sleep on my left side.  I knew I would not wear a hoop, so I didn't want to be rubbing my face on my pillow and wake up missing the screw stud.  I don't take it off much, it makes me squeamish to mess with it, lol!

How did you find a piercer?

I went to a local piercer who has a very good reputation.  Anne had several of her piercings done there and the guy was very nice.

Did they numb your nose?

Nope.  And they don't do that as a rule. Part of the experience of tattoos and piercings is the pain.  I'm not a fan of pain and this one didn't hurt much.

How did you chose the size of your nose stud (yours looks great)?

I literally went with the tiniest nose stud I could find.  Anne jokes that it is a "diamond flake".

Was your husband supportive of your decision?

Absolutely- and he is very honest with me.  I'd love to actually get a nose job one day and he always tells me no.   Piercings and tats are okay in our family.  (but apparently me having a smaller nose isn't!)

Was it worth it?

Yes.

Would you do it again?

Yes, I would.

How did friends and family handle it? Were they supportive?

My 87 year old dad told me it was a phase and I'd outgrow it.  No one else really commented on it.  I didn't make a big deal out of it so they didn't either.

How  did you feel and are you still happy with the decision?

At first I felt a bit self conscious about it, because I just wasn't used to seeing anything on the side of my nose.  The starter stud looked HUGE to me, but once I was able to put a smaller one in I hardly notice it now.

Ever thought of wearing a nose ring vs. stud?

I'm not a fan of the nose ring.  It looks so pirate like to me.  I love the nose studs and have admired them since I was a little girl.  I'm not a big jewelry person, so the tiny stud fits me.

Seeing how cute your look with your nose pierced, have you inspired other women to get their noses pierced too?

Laura, if you pierce yours then yes.  Other than that I don't think any of my friends have run out to pierce anything!

Am I  crazy at almost  40 wanting my nose pierced?

This wasn't my first body piercing.  I had my belly button and eyebrow pierced when I was in my 20's.  In high school I was that punk rock girl with the pierced lip.  Whose to say what age is okay for what type of self expression?  I like my little nose piercing- it fits me and my personality.  I really don't give a flip what someone else thinks of it, so in short, no you are not crazy.

Tricia, You seem to have mastered the difficulties and suspect your are still loving your nose stud. Am really wanting of a nose ring, but will settle for a teeny, tiny, diamond stud to feel special and pretty and feminine.

Thanks in advance for any help.

Laura

So tiny you can hardly see it ; )

I hope that answered your questions, and I really hope you just jump in and do it!  How we dress, wear our hair, the jewelry we choose- all of that is an expression of who we are.  Be true to YOU and don't worry about what the rest of the flock are doing.  Chances are they are all looking at you wishing they could be a little more expressive ;)

One little word...

I decided a long time ago that resolutions for the new year were just too detailed for my liking.  Last year's word was "togetherness", and honestly the year couldn't have played out any further from that word.  I had a falling out with my mother, my daughter moved out to live with her dad and I rarely hear from my oldest son.  It was the year of loss in my opinion, but out of that loss I became closer to my husband, Sara and youngest son.  Togetherness did happen, just not in the way I had anticipated.

This years little word is "explore".  One of the reasons we moved/down-sized was to free ourselves up financially so that we could travel more.  I've taken a few small trips this year- alone, and Travis is planning a trip with Hunter in the spring.  We are paying off our remodeling costs, but have plans for more travels once that is payed off this year.   Explore is more than just traveling to me, it's looking at things in a different way and recognizing beauty and opportunity because I have intentionally slowed down the pace of life.  I no longer lead a rushed and busy life style.  Mornings are slower, days are intentional and evenings are enjoyed.  I guess I've been exploring for the past three years, and in doing so I've found a happier pace- a happier place.

What is your one little word for 2015?

The price of happiness...

Over the past two and a half years I've made some major changes in my life.  I quit my job, moved to a smaller/less expensive house, and started living my life for me.  The difference those changes have made in my happiness have been evident in who I now am and how I think about things.  I know that what I've done is extreme, and not an option for everyone, but I wanted to share a bit about how I came to be where I am now- happy.

When I became a public school teacher I really thought that it would make me feel productive, accomplished and that I was doing something worthwhile with my time and talent.  I couldn't have been more off the mark.  I was stretched thin, compromising my values, and spinning my wheels.  I was miserable.  So after talking to Travis and reviewing our finances, I quit.  Don't get me wrong, I LOVE teaching, but being a teacher has very little to do with the love of teaching and a whole lot to do with beaurocratic politics.  It's a disservice to children and most days I came home knowing that what I was spending my days doing was not worthwhile.  In the salary department I was not making enough to justify me working- seriously, between going out to eat, doctor visits/meds, and paying to supply my classroom I was paying them to be there.  It also threw us into a wonky tax bracket, so quitting was not a difficult financial decision to make.

Today I still teach.  I am homeschooling our 13 year old son, and my daughter Sara has aged out of special education and is home with us as well.   I still teach classes for homeschool kiddos, run a middle school aged book club and I absolutely love the freedom I have to teach in a way that is beneficial for children.   Teaching is a big part of my life- but it's not all of it and allows me to have time to pursue other interests....balance.

I have always been the creative type- especially where home and decorating are concerned.  I do decorating consults when asked, and although I don't advertise,  those requests come in on a steady basis.

I paint- a lot.  Furniture, signs with Sara for the Happy Soul Project, and just for fun.  Painting relaxes me and is one of my favourite hobbies.  I have time for that now which feeds me creatively as well as provides a bit of income for Sara.

Last year we surprised a lot of people when after our magazine photo shoot we listed our house for sale.  The little cottage on the pond was a beautiful home, but it was a bit big for what we needed and more money going out each month that we thought we could use better elsewhere- as in traveling.   We sold the house rather quickly and spent the summer remodeling our tiny tudor (1500 sq ft) and making it a "just right" home for us.  We love the smaller floor plan, no wasted space, and zero yard to maintain.  Not to mention that living here saves us what most people pay per month for an entire house.  Financially it was a very smart move.  We are also within walking distance of stores and restaurants and have taken advantage of that more than we ever did in a traditional subdivision.

Making these changes has changed me.  I used to wake up feeling anxious and worried, I now wake up and feel relaxed and optimistic about my day.  I've given myself the gift of choice and variety in what I do.  I say no to things that I don't want to do, and make more time for doing what I love. I enjoy things more, complain less, and feel content with my life.  I'm probably busier now than I was when I was working full time, so please don't think that the happiness I've found is because I'm home doing nothing.  My day planner is full with volunteering, teaching, decorating, painting, and homeschooling.  I didn't lighten my load, I just raised my standards for what could be in my cart.

So what is the price of happiness?   It's priceless.

Schlumpy...

We are almost sixty five days into Travis' turnaround schedule.  He's beyond tired, and honestly I am too.  He describes it as Groundhog Day, and I see it more like Mr. Mom.   I'm doing all the parenting jobs, household jobs, homeschooling jobs, and everything inbetween.  Forget a push present for having four kids- there should be a TAR present.  We are hoping that the schedule only goes until mid November and then he can return to his normal shift schedule.  Fingers crossed.

I'm trying to get into decorating, projects and such, but honestly?  I'm just feeling schlumpy.  I wake up and unload the dishwasher, feed/walk dogs, help Sara with her hair, check email, work with Hunter, go to the grocery store, fold and put away towels, do laundry, clean house, cook twice a day, and teach class on Thursdays.  The thought of doing a project just makes me want to take a nap.

I see people on Pinterest and blogs and they are busy creating wreaths,  glittering pine cones, writing books, and building stuff.  I just don't have it in me right now, and instead of telling myself that it's okay, I find myself feeling less than adequate like I don't measure up, and that really makes me want to take a nap.

There's a lot of pressure we put on ourselves as wives, moms, bloggers- creative types.  That somehow we should always be producing something, but the older I get the more I realize that it's okay to have periods where you just don't.  (at least that is what I'm telling myself!)   I know that once this crazy schedule is over I will get my mojo back.

I hope...

Shutting a door...

I'm trying to be more open and honest on this blog.   It is not easy for me, since I did share openly once and it bit me in the ass.   Then I thought, ridiculous!  This is my blog and I own my story.

I've had some family stuff going on with a very close extended family member who decided to push me aside to accommodate another family member's feelings.  This wouldn't have been so hurtful to me if I wasn't the one who actually lives near this family member and does so much with/for them.

It basically comes down to if there is another sickness, hospital stay or a death- I am not to be there.   Never mind the fact that I live ten minutes from this person, talk every day to this person, take trips with this person, or come running when they need something.  The fact that I thought we had a friendship, a real relationship doesn't seem to matter when this other family member decides to breeze into town after not calling, not visiting for over three years- not even bothering to answer the phone when called.

I've cried ugly tears while my husband held me.  I've lost sleep, gotten angry, and wanted to punch someone.  Then after all of that a wave of peace passes over me and I'm okay with it.  I love the saying, "Never push a loyal person to the point of not giving a damn".  That's how I feel right now.  I always suspected that if this other person did show up I would be pushed aside, now that it's been confirmed I feel a sense of relief almost.  At least I know where I stand, and I wasn't crazy for thinking it all those years.

My husband loves me, my children love me and I have friends who love me.  I'm not going to waste any more time chasing after the affections of someone who clearly doesn't reciprocate.

I love myself enough to shut the door.

Our beginning...

One of my favourite sayings floating around the internet lately is "don't compare your beginning to some else's middle".   I love that saying because I am so guilty of doing it.  I think we all do, whether it's pretty rooms on a blog, parenting, or even our own bodies.

Lately for me it's been the issue of parenting.  Specifically my own kid's success.  This is the time of year that everyone is shouting out on FB colleges their son/daughter will attend, scholarships they have won, awards they have received, and future plans.

Sara is finishing school this year.  As in done.  No more public education.  Just finished.  It's incredible to me that our system is designed to start when they are babies- three years old, and then go until they are 22 and kick them out into the world with a "don't let the door hit you in the ass" kind of feeling to it.

Not that I think the public education system should continue to educate my child, but beyond school- there is virtually nothing for adults with special needs.  It's still as uncharted territory as it was 40 years ago.  I talk with other parents and they are making their way and creating their own havens for their adult children.   They get creative, but all of them agree that there should be more.

Another struggle we have been dealing with lately is stubbornness.  Otherwise known as "I am 22 and you can't tell me what to do".   Last night was a humdinger of an evening.  Sara fights us about bath vs. shower, so we created a system of one night bath, the next night shower so that she has choice in the  matter.  Yesterday was hot, she was sweaty, and I explained to her that she really needed to take a shower even though it was a "bath night".  She agreed and went upstairs to take her shower.

Only she didn't, she took a bath.  And I pretty much lost it.  I've been dealing with a lot of back talk and rudeness lately from Sara, and this was the proverbial straw for me.  I even spanked her on the bum at one point.  I think that got my point across and she took the shower.  This morning she woke up with diarrhea and vomiting.  Could have been the food we had last night, or the fact that she went to bed upset- which we both did.  This is a hard balance- giving her choice and acknowledging her adult status, and also recognizing that mentally she is about ten years old and I am still very much the parent in her world.  I am her legal guardian and as such it is my JOB to ensure that she is taken care of, but lately it has been challenging.

I know I've talked before about keeping it real here on the blog- about sharing more of the real stuff that goes on.  I struggle with that simply because by putting it out there SOMEBODY will judge me, my actions, or my feelings.  Mind you, that person will never really know what I deal with on a day to day basis with Sara, or the fears I have as I get older while my "child" remains ten years old on the inside.   That one day I will not be able to physically take care of her, or deal with a 125 pound person having a tantrum.   That scares the crap out of me, and I am not one to easily scare.

The beginning is not looking good today, but I know that it will look better on other days.  Still, it's hard to ignore the shout outs about colleges, wedding engagements, and bright futures of other's kids.  To not compare it to Sara's beginning.  Wondering what the future will look like, how she will thrive, and how we will keep the balance of parent and adult child.

Wondering what our middle will look like.