Our oldest son, David, turns 18 today. I now have two children that are legally considered "adults". How can that be when I still feel like a little kid? Phone calls to my mom happen multiple times a day, because, you know, she's the adult!
David has not chosen a traditional path. He has a way above average IQ, and this has led to issues with depression and grades. This past semester he opted to withdraw from school and get his GED. It really was the best choice for him at the time, but he knew it would limit his other choices down the road. He thought about joining the Navy, but his heart is not really in it and he disagrees with so much when it comes to politics, military and war. The Peace Corps is looking promising, but tough to get into.
We told him that he can take a year to think about what he really wants to do, but who really knows what they want to do? I'm 44 and just found what I really want to do! I went through three career changes to find it. He is working and has shown himself to be a great employee. He has also agreed to pay rent during this year of figuring things out.
Am I disappointed he dropped out of school? Well of course I am, but not because I am disappointed in him, just that he has limited opportunities now. David is considered GT, or "gifted and talented" by academic description. His IQ is very high, as is his EQ- but he just couldn't see the point of being able to do the work and having to go home and do 30 more problems to show that he can STILL do the work. He loves to learn new things and is constantly reading science news or some other academic information. Depression, higher rates of suicide, dropping out of school- these are all risks for "GT" kids. As a teacher I used to cringe when parents would approach me with "I think my child is GT! I'd like them tested : o )" As if it were a really good thing! It's a disability in it's own right. There is a reason GT falls under Special Education. There are issues with our kids that our current school system is not able to address. Their needs are specific, and I can say first hand that our son was at risk from the get-go of starting public school.
I am proud of David. Has he chosen the easy path? Well, no, but he's chosen the one that is right for him right now. I am confident that he will find his niche and once he does he will run with it. Success comes in many different forms. Sometimes we have to be open to seeing it in a different way.
Happy Birthday David. We love you and we are here for you- always.
Love,
Mom
David has not chosen a traditional path. He has a way above average IQ, and this has led to issues with depression and grades. This past semester he opted to withdraw from school and get his GED. It really was the best choice for him at the time, but he knew it would limit his other choices down the road. He thought about joining the Navy, but his heart is not really in it and he disagrees with so much when it comes to politics, military and war. The Peace Corps is looking promising, but tough to get into.
We told him that he can take a year to think about what he really wants to do, but who really knows what they want to do? I'm 44 and just found what I really want to do! I went through three career changes to find it. He is working and has shown himself to be a great employee. He has also agreed to pay rent during this year of figuring things out.
Am I disappointed he dropped out of school? Well of course I am, but not because I am disappointed in him, just that he has limited opportunities now. David is considered GT, or "gifted and talented" by academic description. His IQ is very high, as is his EQ- but he just couldn't see the point of being able to do the work and having to go home and do 30 more problems to show that he can STILL do the work. He loves to learn new things and is constantly reading science news or some other academic information. Depression, higher rates of suicide, dropping out of school- these are all risks for "GT" kids. As a teacher I used to cringe when parents would approach me with "I think my child is GT! I'd like them tested : o )" As if it were a really good thing! It's a disability in it's own right. There is a reason GT falls under Special Education. There are issues with our kids that our current school system is not able to address. Their needs are specific, and I can say first hand that our son was at risk from the get-go of starting public school.
I am proud of David. Has he chosen the easy path? Well, no, but he's chosen the one that is right for him right now. I am confident that he will find his niche and once he does he will run with it. Success comes in many different forms. Sometimes we have to be open to seeing it in a different way.
Happy Birthday David. We love you and we are here for you- always.
Love,
Mom
Travis Dad- Your Mom and I still believe in you David. We know you will do something amazing. For some people it takes a while to find what they love to do. I am still looking. All I know is that I love my family and I am proud of all of y'all.
ReplyDeleteFirst, Happy Birthday Blessings to David! I think all kids need a chance to find their way before they have to run out and be an adult. Second, I *totally* get that GT thing. All four of our children are GT - but, we only had one tested (because she asked to be) and now, as her GT "blessing" has followed her through elementary, junior high and now high school - she's pretty sure she would not have been tested if she'd have known what she knows now about the program. Our son is just like you describe David, except not into any depression (thus far). He is so smart it takes his PhD dad to figure out his thought process as this mom does NOT understand him most of the time! My husband and I decided that two intelligent people are perhaps compatible, but maybe shouldn't procreate.
ReplyDeleteI am an average intelligence person- my ex (David's dad) is a PhD. He too suffers from depression and sometimes has difficulty relating to others in social situations. David luckily has great social skills, but the depression is an issue. David is looking into joining the Peace Corps which I think would be a perfect learning experience for him. The most important thing you can give as a parent is support : o )
DeleteA big hand to you & your husband for having the courage to let David figure things out for himself. My baby will be "18" next week & I don't have the courage that you have. I am still holding his hand filling out college apps & pointing him in that direction, when I know it's clear that he doesn't have a clue about the future. My baby is considered "gifted" as well. This part wasn't in "The Rule Book." Merry Christmas to you!
ReplyDeleteJerri- My parents did that for me as well. I'd like to say it had a happy ending, but I ended up drinking to the point of blacking out each night I was away at college, until my dad finally came and got me. I then enrolled in a junior college until I transferred back to a larger university. By then I knew what I wanted to do. The research shows that students who enter college with no idea of what they want to do usually results in failure. As for a rule book, you are right, there isn't one. I think kids are too unique to put them all on the same path. We are confident that David will find his sparkle- it just has to be on his time line, not ours.
DeleteTaylor dropped out of high school during her second semester of 11th grade. Not for the same reasons as David, she just didn't want to go to school anymore. Her principal at Lake suggested I sign her up at Parkview Baptist. There's no real school, just an office over off SW Freeway where you show up once a month to pay the monthly fee ($80) and grab a couple of workbooks. It's basically a money grab if you ask me, but she has a high school diploma, and that's all I really cared about. She quit Lake in February and got her diploma in June of the same year. They even have a graduation ceremony at U of H. I'd look into it if I were you. Call me if you want to. I still have the same number.
ReplyDeleteMy oldest always wanted to be a garbage man. Honestly.
ReplyDeleteWhen he made it to high school by the skin of his teeth, he HATED it and I could see that this was not going to be fun or successful for either of us, I caved in and let him enter their work program. I always joke with him now that his major is in Pizza Hut. He has the diploma, which at the time satisfied me as much as it could but what it really did was allow me to have a hold on him for a few years more than I believe I would not have had, had I went the traditional route and held him into traditional schooling that would never have made a difference. It's not been an easy road, for him or for us, but it is what it is.
Back to the garbage man, after he was done with school and doing whatever jobs would come his way, I realized that the world needs garbage men, good, hard working men that hold decent jobs. So...it's not a bad thing for them to find what it is they want to be, as long as they are happy and are the best at it. Know what I mean?
Another thought we did try to get Trey to do and he was pretty close to it at one time, was to join the Coast Guard. My older cousin just retired from there, it was an awesome career that allowed him to be one with nature and the sea and earn an outstanding education.
Good luck to David and happy belated birthday to him!
My oldest always wanted to be a garbage man. Honestly.
ReplyDeleteWhen he made it to high school by the skin of his teeth, he HATED it and I could see that this was not going to be fun or successful for either of us, I caved in and let him enter their work program. I always joke with him now that his major is in Pizza Hut. He has the diploma, which at the time satisfied me as much as it could but what it really did was allow me to have a hold on him for a few years more than I believe I would not have had, had I went the traditional route and held him into traditional schooling that would never have made a difference. It's not been an easy road, for him or for us, but it is what it is.
Back to the garbage man, after he was done with school and doing whatever jobs would come his way, I realized that the world needs garbage men, good, hard working men that hold decent jobs. So...it's not a bad thing for them to find what it is they want to be, as long as they are happy and are the best at it. Know what I mean?
Another thought we did try to get Trey to do and he was pretty close to it at one time, was to join the Coast Guard. My older cousin just retired from there, it was an awesome career that allowed him to be one with nature and the sea and earn an outstanding education.
Good luck to David and happy belated birthday to him!
Oh my goodness, our paths are similar. I am a teacher - taught mild special education in Oklahoma for years. We just moved back to Texas and our getting our footing again. That isn't similar to you but our youngest son is 20. He is also gifted in IQ but has issues. Depression hit a year ago for him and it has been tough! Each day is new though and we stay positive.
ReplyDeleteStacey- Yes we do have a lot in common! What part of Texas are you in?
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