No community would be complete without a resident ex-con. Seriously, we have one. He is a thin wiry little man who walks around with a permanent twitch- probably attributed to the extensive drug use that led him to a stint in state prison. Thankfully he lives on the other side of our community and is not in the direct vicinity of us, because let me tell you- it's a total Amtrak situation over there.
Larry grew up in the town home he now lives in. After his parents died, they left the town home to him, probably because Larry was still living with them in his 40's and the squatter's rights must have kicked in. So Larry lives there rent free with his equally colourful wife. When they are not screaming at each other on their tiny front patio, or knocking on doors asking for money- they can be found racing through the cul-de-sac. You might ask how does one exactly race through a circular drive- he manages. Speeds of 40-50 mph have been noted as he peels out to run "errands" and is back within thirty minutes.
We first met Larry on one of his errand peel outs. Only this one led to him crashing into two vehicles and knocking down a lamp post instead of leaving the area. Don't get me wrong, he tried to leave, he even asked Travis to help him move his truck (Travis gave a definitive, NO- so not helping you flee the scene answer). When leaving wasn't going to happen, Larry decided to run back to his house and get his wife to come sit in the driver's seat- because Larry didn't have a license or car insurance. Classy, I know.
At this point several other neighbors were beginning to gather around for the mid-day entertainment. Larry was gesturing wildly and pacing back and forth. We had already called the authorities and they were on their way. This gave Larry and his wife time to come up with a story- one where she was driving the truck and not him. Never mind the fact that several of us witnessed Larry plow into both vehicles and knock over the lamp post. Details.
Finally the officer showed up. They know Larry. This is a small town and apparently Larry is a frequent flyer in our local police station. Larry began to explain how his wife was pulling out and some belt on the truck snapped, she panicked, pressed on the accelerator and ran into the cars and took out the lamp post. The officer took notes. Then Travis walked over to the officer and simply said, "I saw the entire thing if you need a witness account". The officer then took down Travis' story- the one where Larry was driving, and the officer turned to the wife and said, "If Larry was driving why did you tell me it was you??" They both shot us looks that told me right away we would not be getting a fruit cake from them for the holidays.
Larry ended up handcuffed, the truck he hit was totalled since it was hit so hard that it jumped the curb, hit the lamp post and ultimately bent the frame. Larry was fined $200 for lack of insurance and the poor truck owner was out any help with repairs. The officers let Larry go after they took down the information for their report, and I'm really not sure if anything else came from it. Needless to say NOBODY parks in the cul-de-sac anymore, except for Larry. Wide berth.
The lamp post is still missing, and all that covers the still live electrical wires is an orange rubber road cone. We were told by the city that we would be getting a new lamp post, but that was back in June. I'm not holding my breath.
We still have Larry though- and I imagine we will for some time to come, because really he's like a cockroach, and what is a community without a resident ex-con?