1.27.2014

Be the cream...

I was visiting one of my favourite blogs this weekend that features other blogger's homes.  I love peeking in and seeing how people create their vision of "home" and although many of the homes are not my style, I appreciate them nonetheless.  I was appalled to see that some readers left negative comments, and my heart hurt for the homeowner who would undoubtedly read those mean words about their personal sanctuary.  I still find myself baffled when a person leaves a negative comment on a blog.  Be it about the decorating, colour choices, personal choices or even grammar and spelling mistakes.   I always think, "Really?", because I find that cowardly and unnecessary.  Usually it's anonymous, and I guess that makes the person behind the hurtful words feel brave, but I find it sad for them.   How empty one's life must be to lash out at strangers.  Like our mommas taught us,  "If you don't have anything good to say, then don't say anything at all".

Y'all were so sweet with your words of understanding and advice regarding our empty room.  I took the original post down about the room, not really sure why, but I did.  It felt too personal, too raw- I've spent the past several years censoring myself.  When I quit teaching I vowed to not do that anymore- I am who I am, and I won't be made to feel ashamed of that.  But I'm human, and retraining myself is not always easy.  The journey of recovery is not that clear cut.

I've moved a few things into the room, and out of the room, and back into the room.  Waking up in the middle of the night in a full blown panic attack over using velcro on the wall to hang something, knowing in the morning light that the panic attack wasn't really about adhesive at all.

Decorating is a funny thing.  It's more than just creating a pretty space, for me it's therapy.  A lot of us arrange, rearrange, scour pages of decorating inspiration, watch HGTV, and are always on the hunt for that special piece to complete a space.   We pop over to blogs and see perfect, at their best, shiny photos of rooms that look flawless.  And we compare ours to theirs.  I'm guilty of that as I am sure many of y'all are too.  It's just human for us to want to put our best face on for society, you only have to read annual Christmas letters to see evidence of people doing just that.

I've mentioned before that I have been married three times.  My second marriage was a decision made out of necessity and a desire to fix what I had screwed up the first time.  I was a single mom to a daughter with Down Syndrome.  I needed a man who could provide stability, integrity- and good health care.  I loved him, but not in a "let's get married and spend eternity together" kind of way.  I'm not putting anything on here that hasn't been shared with him, in fact we are now very good friends.  But while we were married, it was a catastrophe.  I remember decorating and redecorating the bedroom.  New drapes, bedspreads, bathroom accessories- pretty much every few months.  Looking back on it I can see why- underneath it all I was trying to decor-fix our marriage.  It was broken and ugly, and so I thought a new coverlet and some paint would make it all better.  Not my smartest therapy moments, but I've learned since then.

Which brings me back to the empty room.  I'm hurt, but I'm also a very practical person.  The room is empty, and just wasted space in our cottage.  I'm not okay with leaving it that way, and Sara has already started to send clear messages that she wants that room.   She keeps dragging her bean bag with her books to read in there.   So I started to pull a few things in and thinking about how we could best design the room for her.  Her bedroom is tiny and she loves to hang out in there singing, drawing, reading and talking to her boyfriend on the phone.  She needs a living room of sorts, so here is my plan:

There are two windows in the room.  I've ordered this lovely buffalo check in black and cream to make panels for the windows.  We will use our usual outdoor fence post rods to hang them.


I have hung a gallery wall of sorts already on the large wall that is next to the windows...


I also moved the antique sewing table from the library along with two Nichols & Stone chairs for Sara to have a spot to write at and play games with her friends.


I am planning on ordering a small sectional from PB Teen to give her a place to sit and watch tv.  I want to leave enough room for her to dance- the girl loves to dance :)



I visited an estate sale yesterday and found this lovely Empire dresser.  Well, it will be lovely after I get all of the peeling veneer off of it and give it a fresh coat of chalk paint.  It will also be the perfect way to house all of Sara's photo albums, movies, games and her cd collection. 


The dresser also has a large mirror.


Oh veneer.   I've found that using heat/steam is the best way to get this stuff off of a piece.

Lastly, we will purchase a larger television for the room.  Sara loves to play xbox Just Dance, so a larger screen will accommodate that.   We won't hook it up to the cable, because even now we love to watch tv as a family.  I don't seem to mind the kids gaming in their room, but there is just something so nice about all of us sitting together to watch a show and I don't want that to go away.

The bottom line in decorating, or in how we handle life's curve balls in general, is that it is personal.  What works for one doesn't work for another.  We all have different tastes, ideas of what is perfect, and what is "good" in styles.  But it's important to remember that behind the shiny perfect facade of a picture or a blog is a real life with all of it's ups and downs and hurts and joys.  Choose your words wisely,  and be kind with your comments.  Be the person to lift someone up, not the one to kick them when they are down. 

As I tell my kids, "Be the cream".  

26 comments:

  1. I don't understand how people can be so mean - I guess that is their nature. I don;t leave negative comments, if I can't say something nice I don't say anything. Just give a general comment. Everyone has different likes and dislikes - that's what makes the world go around. I love what you are doing for your daughter and she is going to love her special room. Love all the items that you are putting into her room.
    Have a wonderful week.
    Mary

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    1. Exactly- we are all unique and different and deserve to be treated with respect. I love the saying "agree to disagree" and move on! William and Sara sat in her room today and worked on a puzzle for hours. It was so cute to hear them chatting back and forth :)

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  2. Lovely post.

    I never understand people leaving unkind comments. If you don't like something or it's not your style ... just move to the next blog. Never leave a comment you wouldn't like someone to leave on your comments.

    And as for your empty room. Sara will love that room ... you are already customizing it for her interests.
    If you left it empty everytime you walked by you would feel bad. The new incarnation can't help but make you happy.

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    1. Agree, just move on. It takes energy to comment, so I just cannot imagine the negative energy being acted upon. I can't wait for the room to come completely together. I think she is going to love it!

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  3. I love your plans for the empty room...sounds like Sara will too!
    We had an 'empty' room as well for awhile, best thing I did was fill it up!
    I always have enjoyed your blog and Love your cottage!

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  4. Great post.
    Yes I agree. People can be so mean. I think as a whole we are becoming a nation of unkind,rude people. For the most part peoples feelings are not taken into consideration and that is sad.
    Sarah is a lucky girl to have her very own living room. I love the dresser and can't wait to see how it looks painted. Did you make the book page wreath? If so what size book did you use? I'm trying to make one using an old reader digest but my cones are turning out not very cone like.
    I love your cottage and look forward to reading your post.
    Have a great week.

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    1. Michelle,
      I'm using my old Brit lit book from college. I just loosely wrapped the cones and glued them on- it wasn't as hard as I thought it would be. The book was not that big, maybe a smaller book would make tighter cones. Good luck!

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  5. I love your posts and your honesty. Keep sharing. :)

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    1. Will do- thank you for stopping by and reading :)

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  6. I absolutely love your blog. I love that you are authentic and yet sensitive. People can sense that. I am appauled by the rudeness of people. I joined a Christian forum the other day and I could not believe the horrible things that some people posted in response to the hurts of others, all in the name of Jesus. I'm sure that makes HIM very sad. I'm glad that little girl will have a space to dance. I always loved the song, "I Hope You Dance." Seems that your baby girl knows a secret many of us haven't learned about dancing in the rain. Love this. So glad you shared your heart and have found it easy to express who you really are. You are beautiful!

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    1. Thank you so much for those lovely words! I am always so blown away by opening up and receiving so many good words in return. I find myself hesitating before I hit the publish button, something that I used to do without thinking. It feels good to be authentic- thank you for noticing!

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  7. Love your blog and the ideas for the spare room. Quick question, so when you get a piece of furniture where the veneer is coming off, you just remove it and it is goo to apply the chalk paint?

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    1. Yep- just remove the old veneer, give it a light sanding, and you are good to go!

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  8. Sorry, I meant to say it is good

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    1. I thought "goo" was cute ;) And yes, it's all good!

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  9. You have not had a easy road for sure. Your openness has to be a help to many. I enjoy reading your blog.
    I think those that leave those comments should have to leave their names. Some comments are just plain rude.
    ((((HUGS))))

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    1. Agree, it's why I got rid of the anonymous comment feature. I had someone leave a very hateful comment about my grammar and spelling- in the name of "helping". Then she followed it up to a letter sent to my home- equally hateful. Little did she know that I was going through one of the hardest times as a parent. It hurt me, but in the end I had to acknowledge that whatever she was going through had to be worse to make her act out towards a virtual stranger like that.

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  10. I've known you for a while, you are a good egg Tricia, a wise good egg. I missed your empty room post so a little perplexed but I do like your plans for the room. You shine when you speak of your children.

    About the decorfixing...I know this. It's a matter of an outlet and a way to control something in life, for me anyway. My Little House has rescued me more times than I can even begin to count in my very short two years here.

    Mean people suck, no matter how you try to analyze it.

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    1. I love that we have known each other so long- even if it is only "virtually". I love how watching your little house work it's therapeutic magic- it is evident in the pictures you post. Long story short, our youngest daughter moved in with her dad. She barely speaks to me and it is just crushing me on the inside. I am hoping that our relationship will improve with time, and yes, mean people just suck!

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    2. :( I agree with the post below, sometimes, most of the time, I think daughters need to become Mothers to appreciate their Mothers. I like that and am going to remember it. Big hugs to you my friend. She will come around.

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  11. I did read the empty room post. I enjoy coming to visit you, not only for your beautiful home and creativity, but your honesty. You live a real life and most of the time you share when you need or want to. I find it refreshing to find a blogger who will tell the truth even if it does not fit into our cookie cutter shape we think life should be. Very interesting what you said about decorating to fix. I think that is why I have not blogged as much this year, I must be happy because I am moving very little around and only a few decorations change from season to season and holiday to holiday. I hope you find your happy with the empty room. I have found that sometimes, daughters need to become mothers to better appreciate the one they have. Alaina

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    1. That is so beautifully put, and so very true! I love and appreciate my mom in a way I never could as a teenager. I love those words :) Thank you!

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  12. Wise words. I will never understand why people leave negative comments about someone's personal taste. It is just plain rude and causes hurt.

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  13. Wise words. We all need to work at being kinder to others. I think your plans for this room are great! I know your daughter will enjoy the space!

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  14. Wise words. I will never understand why people leave negative comments about someone's personal taste. It is just plain rude and causes hurt.

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Thanks so much for popping in. I appreciate all of your lovely comments...Tricia