Be the cream...

I was visiting one of my favourite blogs this weekend that features other blogger's homes.  I love peeking in and seeing how people create their vision of "home" and although many of the homes are not my style, I appreciate them nonetheless.  I was appalled to see that some readers left negative comments, and my heart hurt for the homeowner who would undoubtedly read those mean words about their personal sanctuary.  I still find myself baffled when a person leaves a negative comment on a blog.  Be it about the decorating, colour choices, personal choices or even grammar and spelling mistakes.   I always think, "Really?", because I find that cowardly and unnecessary.  Usually it's anonymous, and I guess that makes the person behind the hurtful words feel brave, but I find it sad for them.   How empty one's life must be to lash out at strangers.  Like our mommas taught us,  "If you don't have anything good to say, then don't say anything at all".

Y'all were so sweet with your words of understanding and advice regarding our empty room.  I took the original post down about the room, not really sure why, but I did.  It felt too personal, too raw- I've spent the past several years censoring myself.  When I quit teaching I vowed to not do that anymore- I am who I am, and I won't be made to feel ashamed of that.  But I'm human, and retraining myself is not always easy.  The journey of recovery is not that clear cut.

I've moved a few things into the room, and out of the room, and back into the room.  Waking up in the middle of the night in a full blown panic attack over using velcro on the wall to hang something, knowing in the morning light that the panic attack wasn't really about adhesive at all.

Decorating is a funny thing.  It's more than just creating a pretty space, for me it's therapy.  A lot of us arrange, rearrange, scour pages of decorating inspiration, watch HGTV, and are always on the hunt for that special piece to complete a space.   We pop over to blogs and see perfect, at their best, shiny photos of rooms that look flawless.  And we compare ours to theirs.  I'm guilty of that as I am sure many of y'all are too.  It's just human for us to want to put our best face on for society, you only have to read annual Christmas letters to see evidence of people doing just that.

I've mentioned before that I have been married three times.  My second marriage was a decision made out of necessity and a desire to fix what I had screwed up the first time.  I was a single mom to a daughter with Down Syndrome.  I needed a man who could provide stability, integrity- and good health care.  I loved him, but not in a "let's get married and spend eternity together" kind of way.  I'm not putting anything on here that hasn't been shared with him, in fact we are now very good friends.  But while we were married, it was a catastrophe.  I remember decorating and redecorating the bedroom.  New drapes, bedspreads, bathroom accessories- pretty much every few months.  Looking back on it I can see why- underneath it all I was trying to decor-fix our marriage.  It was broken and ugly, and so I thought a new coverlet and some paint would make it all better.  Not my smartest therapy moments, but I've learned since then.

Which brings me back to the empty room.  I'm hurt, but I'm also a very practical person.  The room is empty, and just wasted space in our cottage.  I'm not okay with leaving it that way, and Sara has already started to send clear messages that she wants that room.   She keeps dragging her bean bag with her books to read in there.   So I started to pull a few things in and thinking about how we could best design the room for her.  Her bedroom is tiny and she loves to hang out in there singing, drawing, reading and talking to her boyfriend on the phone.  She needs a living room of sorts, so here is my plan:

There are two windows in the room.  I've ordered this lovely buffalo check in black and cream to make panels for the windows.  We will use our usual outdoor fence post rods to hang them.

I have hung a gallery wall of sorts already on the large wall that is next to the windows...

I also moved the antique sewing table from the library along with two Nichols & Stone chairs for Sara to have a spot to write at and play games with her friends.

I am planning on ordering a small sectional from PB Teen to give her a place to sit and watch tv.  I want to leave enough room for her to dance- the girl loves to dance :)

I visited an estate sale yesterday and found this lovely Empire dresser.  Well, it will be lovely after I get all of the peeling veneer off of it and give it a fresh coat of chalk paint.  It will also be the perfect way to house all of Sara's photo albums, movies, games and her cd collection. 

The dresser also has a large mirror.

Oh veneer.   I've found that using heat/steam is the best way to get this stuff off of a piece.

Lastly, we will purchase a larger television for the room.  Sara loves to play xbox Just Dance, so a larger screen will accommodate that.   We won't hook it up to the cable, because even now we love to watch tv as a family.  I don't seem to mind the kids gaming in their room, but there is just something so nice about all of us sitting together to watch a show and I don't want that to go away.

The bottom line in decorating, or in how we handle life's curve balls in general, is that it is personal.  What works for one doesn't work for another.  We all have different tastes, ideas of what is perfect, and what is "good" in styles.  But it's important to remember that behind the shiny perfect facade of a picture or a blog is a real life with all of it's ups and downs and hurts and joys.  Choose your words wisely,  and be kind with your comments.  Be the person to lift someone up, not the one to kick them when they are down. 

As I tell my kids, "Be the cream".