I made it through the interview on Friday with the court reporter. It wasn't as horrible as I had built it up in my mind to be, in fact the woman was quite nice and she left with about three book recommendations from me.
Someone asked me why this was hitting me harder than when Sara was a baby and originally diagnosed with Down Syndrome, and the reason is that babies are babies. She was tiny, beautiful, healthy and did all the things other newborns did-eat, sleep and poo. The differences weren't that striking.
This one is. Sara is going to be deemed incapacitated by the court as of her 18th birthday. She will not be able to vote, drive, or make her own financial and medical decisions. Not that she would have done those things despite the court's label, but it's official and it's forever.
At one point during the interview the investigator asked me if I had explained to Sara what was happening. I felt my throat begin to get tight and the tears welled up in my eyes. I managed to look at her and say, "How? It's not like there is a book on this at Barnes and Noble in the parenting your special needs child section." I still haven't sat down with Sara to "explain". The truth is I don't know how. Sex? Periods? Boys? I can explain those. Taking away your rights as an adult? I'm without words.
I know in my heart I am doing what's best for Sara. That's the only thing that drives my decisions for her. But it still hurts. It's still not right. I still feel horrible doing it. The investigator said once I am past this legality issue it will get better, it will just be business as usual- that I will continue to love and parent Sara like I always have.
And always will.
Glad it went well. There's no good way to tell Sarah what you need to tell her, so just do it and give her the basic facts. And tell her you love her. What else is there?
ReplyDeleteI just started reading your blog and trying to do some catch up. I had not realized that there was so much to do for guardianship. Hope it all goes well
ReplyDeleteI'm glad things went as well as could be expected. Emotions are hard to deal with. But, of course you'll continue to do what you've always done. Was there ever any doubt? You're you, and Sara is Sara. A piece of paper won't change that, not really.
ReplyDelete(hugs)
Love the picture of your daughter, she is just beautiful and what great hair..Beautiful through and through. Know that you are doing the right thing, even if it is hard right now. Hugs.
ReplyDeleteMy eyes started leaking as I read this post. I had no idea that a parent of a DS child had to go through this. But, as usual, it sounds like you made it through. What a lucky young woman Sarah is to have such a caring and loving Mom.
ReplyDeleteI love the picture of her with her beautiful grown up hair cut. She is really lovely. My first thought was that she looks a lot like you! It sounds like you handled it all with your usual grace. Blessings on you and Sarah.
Came across your blog tonight, just by chance. I'm so glad I did! We have a few things in common: teaching, four children (one of whom is an adult with extra difficulties).
ReplyDeleteMy kids are older than yours; I always hoped my experience with Miss Happy would give me some wisdom that I could share with other (younger) moms.
It hasn't, I guess, since all I can say is that I understand where you are.
Truthfully, though, I wouldn't trade my family's experiences, because we're all better people for them. I know you are, too.
Blessings.