Our daughter Sara will be turning 18 next month- a point that she has been talking about since 6:00 pm the night of her seventeenth birthday. "I'm going to be 18" seems to be Sara's equivalent to "Oh snap!" Jokingly I would tell her to stop talking about eighteen, that I needed to get used to seventeen, but all joking aside eighteen was making me a little sad.
Dealing with the fact that your child has a disability comes in waves. There is no set grieving period where you slowly take the reality in, roll it around on your palate, swallow, digest and move on. It's something that ebbs and flows and then when you are least expecting it, crashes over you out of nowhere- tsunami style. Raising Sara has been one of the most beautiful and one of the most painful things I've ever done. So odd that you could have two extremes juxtaposed like that in reference to a baby. Sara's fourth birthday party found me in tears, not over the blowing out of candles, or impending kindergarten, but looking at Sara next to all the "normal" four year olds and finally saying, "It's ok, she is perfect, perfectly Sara". It was the acceptance year, but the little tsunamis still came.
The first day of high school had all of us running around trying to find the "just right" clothes, backpack and what kind of shoes were those kids wearing?? I took Sara to have her hair done and styled, picked out just the right backpack...I felt prepared until she came out that morning and asked me to tie her shoes. It was tsunami extreme as I bent over her foot and laced up that oh-so-perfect high school shoe.
Many of my friends are pouring over college catalogs, taking weekend trips to check out universities and dorms, excited about the upcoming transition that their eighteen year old is about to make- while I talk to attorneys, file papers and prepare to go to court to get guardianship of my eighteen year old daughter. I smile when they talk about upcoming events, and I am genuinely happy for them, but on the inside I can feel the waves building and crashing.
I can see the tsunami coming.
Your tsunami has washed all the way to Oklahoma this morning. I can't imagine what it's like to walk in your shoes but I can tell by your words that you are a wonderful mom! You keep doing what you are doing and you will find your way one step at a time.
ReplyDeleteI don't know for a moment what it has been like for you. What I DO know is that you have done an amazing job raising Sara. I am in awe of her each time I see her. She seems to know no bounds and that is because of YOU. You have instilled in her a beautiful confidence and strong personality. She looks forward to the future and that is more than I can say for alot of people. I know the storms will continue to come but you will weather them like you do everything else...with grace, style and of course..fabulous shoes :)
ReplyDeleteOh brighton, thank you for sharing, your words, your story has touched my heart, as I know your ebbs and flows are at times more then a parent should probably want to endure but you seem to have over come with a brillance, and she is absolutely beautiful...her future may be different then some 18 year olds, but that doesn't mean she won't find her happiness and success, because she will her way! Being a parent has to be the hardest job and you my dear take it with grace and confidence, keep doing what you are doing!
ReplyDeleteI'm just speechless....and that doesn't happen often.
ReplyDeleteWow, you kid is almost "grown up". That's a huge transition. I'm still trying to get my head around my oldest being a teen. And Ellen and I had one of those tsunamis roll over us yesterday so I know exactly how you feel.
ReplyDeleteI look forward to one day meeting Sara... I get the feeling she is a very fun person to meet and will probably remind me a lot of you.
ReplyDeleteIf you ever make that trip over here, please bring Sara too! Eighteenth Birthday pressie!!!!!
PS Tsunami in Birmngham here, which is quite an achievement as we are as far as you can get from the sea in any direction in the UK.
(hugs)
ReplyDeleteSara has a great mom.
Perfectly well said.
ReplyDeleteI am constantly in awe over the way you parent ALL of your children. Your kids are a beautiful reflection of your love and discipline.
I know those waves well... 4 years tomorrow.
LOVE YOUR BLOG, STOP BY & SAY HI :) GIO
ReplyDeleteBig, Big Hugs...From a mom with a similar situation. I have about 6 more years to go but just reading your experience is already helping me. Thank you.
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